Slack

Well I'm officially slacking. I dont update this thing near enough. And its partly because we haven't been doing a lot lately. I have been sick a lot lately so my life pretty much consists of work, church and sleep. Well right now I'm sick again... big shocker right? I think a huge part of me getting sick so easily is my stress level. I am a very worrysome person who is stressed out about almost everything. Jesse married a winner right? I mean i go to work, i do my daily routine but not much more than that. I have so many ideas and things i want to accomplish. In Novemeber I decided i wanted to paint our place, i wanted to sew curtains and in December i decided i wanted to start to paint, oil paint. Did i do any of it? no. I started the curtain thing and was really excited about it, and then i got sick and then something else came up and then got sick again and i just havent found that motivation to continue. I started working more hours because i felt guilty that i wasnt working enough. Jesse goes to school taking 21 units, AND is working, AND getting great grades. So of course i feel a bit lazy some days.. There were a few days last month that i started organizing our stuff though. I put some of my many shoes in storage and got all our Christmas stuff organized (which isn't much but whatev). We moved our spare bedroom around and really started finding places for things. I love doing stuff like that.. but where to find the motivation??

I always sort of look at my life, and try to figure out where it is I'm slacking. Well, I always end up going back and thinking about my diet. I have a lot of health problems and i always have, mostly because i have a weak immune system. But what makes the immune system even weaker? Stress, bad diet and lack of excersise. Jesse is great with the stress part he always tries to calm me down and help me to release some of the stress i carry. But my diet is my biggest battle. I love sugar and not just sugar i love snacks and i love to benge eat. Seriously, Jesse and i are terrible for eachother, in the sense that we will get on the couch to watch a movie, and i'll have a bag of pretzels and Jesse will have a bag of cheese-its and we will literally finish the bags in one sitting.

I have always been fairly thin or at least thats what most people think when they see me, but my weight and measurements say otherwise. I guess i hide it fairly well with the way i dress and the way my body carries the weight. I went shopping the other day to get a new pair of jeans because my old jeans were really stretched out and i had been wearing them about everyday, for the past 3 years. So i was trying on jeans and i was trying them on in a size 28, whatever right? oh, the girl that was helping me, was actually my client but thats besides the point. As i was checking out she and the other girl who was helping go, "i cant believe you are a 28, seriously you carry it really well." Well i didnt take any offense to it because its true. Most people think im smaller than i am because ive got really skinny legs and arms. So i leave, and later that day i start to think about it and decides to look up what a "28" really means... well that translates to a size 6. No biggy, but then i come across this article where KIM KARDASHIAN says she is a SIZE 27. WHAAAAAA? im thicker than Kim Kardashian? I mean she is NOT fat but she has curves and there are ABSOLUTELY no curves on my body so what the heck? haha so i was a little taken back for sure.

Anyway, my eating habits have NOTHING to do with me thinking im fat at all because i know im not, I just really need to eat healthier. I am going to do some research and set a goal for myself. Nothing too crazy that i cant do, just a small goal with my diet.

I made a small goal with working out and that, is to work our 3 times a week only. I started that in December and have done it besides the times when i have been sick. All i know is, if i want to feel better i have to start taking care of me and my body. SO hopefully my next post will be about what research i did and how i am going to change my diet. I need to get some cookbooks too! That is another one of my goals...to learn to cook and not be afraid of it.

Well this is a very long post and its all jibberish. I just had sort of a mental breakdown to Jesse the other day, its very stressful being sick all the time and feeling like im slacking at home, and work, and in my calling. All i can do is not give up and stay positive. :)