Anticipation

Leading up to a baby's arrival is a very exciting but anxious time. I've been feeling a lot of emotions and they all have been kind of throwing me through a loop. I am feeling excitement and happiness but also nervousness and anxiety. I am so nervous about how the adjustment will go and what life will be like with two baby's. It took me a while to really step into the role of a full time mom because I've always been interested in a career and working outside the home. So it was a big adjustment and I think some days I am still adjusting to life at home. But I've also been pretty anxious and ready for her to just come so that I can get the show on the road. All the anticipation kind of makes you crazy. There are so many feelings when you are anticipating something this big. I feel like once she does get here, things will be a lot easier because there is no more wondering, thinking, insomnia and worrying. It's just time to do, rather than think and "prepare" if that makes sense. I'm not sure if it is always the case though, because once the new baby does come, a whole new set of challenges arise. And what your life and schedule used to be, are no longer there and you have a whole new whirlwind of emotions. I am hoping though that it's an exciting time and an adventurous time rather than a difficult time. I'm hoping it is more of a positive experience for me this time around. I really struggled when Violet was born, in the sense that I had never done any of it before and I had never really been around babies before period. I really didn't know what being a mother entailed and it was a huge wake up call for me trying to cope with no sleep, recovery from birth and all kinds of emotions that I wasn't expecting. I'm hopeful that this time since I have already made the adjustment into mom mode, it won't be such a huge change from what life is already kind of like. I mean I haven't woken up in the middle of the night, multiple times with a newborn in a while. But I already have the mind set of this what my life is. I stay home and I take care of my kiddos and I love it. 

Here is to hoping that life really will be better once she is here. Most of the time I think maybe it is better to keep her in longer, so that we have more time to prepare and more time where we don't have to have a newborn crying a lot and all the no sleep that comes along with it. But honestly, I'm hardly sleeping now and being so big and so limited is pretty dang hard. Constantly worrying or trying to prepare for something that is coming messes with your mind, which in turn, messes with your body because it's exhausting worrying and preparing so much. I hope that things will be easier when she comes. Maybe not for a few weeks, but I think I am just ready at this point and once the baby is here you HAVE to adjust and you HAVE to make things work. So there is no more planning, it's just doing. 

My appt is in two hours with an ob so I'm really hopeful she will strip my membranes and possibly schedule me an induction date so that I can start to feel human again. The rls and insomnia is making me go a bit crazy and feeling a bit depressed. I'm ready to not drag it on any longer than I need to, if baby is healthy. I already won't sleep when she comes, so not sleeping for a few more weeks and then when she comes not sleep for another few months?? Why not start the process a little sooner, I think I'm ready to get this thing going!